


reaching for you from the endless dream

by queen_annabeth



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, I'm not about that mess, PLEASE HEED THE TAGS, Past Domestic Violence, and don't read this if you love edward, bella gets to be human and fallible, but please don't come on here and start shitting on bella in the comments, canon up until a certain point in BD, he's a convenient villain in this story, that point will become clear fairly quickly, this is not going to follow sm's writing style
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:49:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_annabeth/pseuds/queen_annabeth
Summary: Bella has been running from the disastrous aftermath of the wedding for years. As everything changes yet again, she finds herself going back home for the first time since she was forced to disappear, to a life that is much different than the one she left behind. J/B endgame
Relationships: Jacob Black/Bella Swan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Here With Me by Susie Suh

Sleep never came easily these days. Putting aside the horrors that haunted her every time she closed her eyes, a state of constant fear turned her into the light sleeper that she’d never been before. The quietest noise could wake her, from the sound of her upstairs neighbor walking around or the distant screech of tires to the quiet hum of her phone receiving a text. It was the latter that yanked her from a dream of endless darkness, the dim light of her phone’s screen filling the room as she rubbed the remnants of sleep from her eyes. There were only so many people who had her number and only one reason any of them would be contacting her in the middle of the night.

It was time.

Bella took hold of the pay-by-the-minute phone with her heart in her throat, brushing her hair out of her face with her free hand as she kicked away her sheets and slowly sat up. It was hard to read the blurry letters of the text at first but as soon as they swam into focus, she felt that familiar panic clawing at her insides as her surroundings seemed to ebb away slowly. That panic ripped its way through whatever comfort she’d found in this place over the last ten months, the longest she’d ever spent in one city since  _ that day _ .

**15 mins**

The phone slipped from her hands and quickly became lost in her bed covers as she lurched to her feet and began moving frantically about the sparsely furnished apartment. The process was so deeply hardwired into her mind that she almost moved on autopilot, yanking on whatever clothes she could find and slipping her feet into sneakers that she could run in. She managed to trip only twice between her bedroom and the living room, catching herself with a quiet thump on a wall each time and cursing underneath her breath.

There was one duffel bag packed and waiting beneath her bed and another in the hall closet. Both ready for this exact situation. She filled a third with what she needed from the kitchen and bathroom, leaving them all by the door before seeking out her phone again. The sim card went down the toilet along with the battery. The phone itself wound up in the garbage and Bella knew that someone else would come through to take it out when they stripped down the rest of the apartment.

Finally, she found herself with only one thing left to do. Making her way down the dark hallway with shaking hands and a racing heart, she hesitated in front of the half-open door tucked away at the very end before quietly slipping inside. The quiet breaths of the apartment’s only other occupant reached her ears as she approached the crib that was positioned in the far corner. Bella let herself watch for a handful of seconds, letting the gentle rise and fall of her daughter’s chest give her the strength to keep moving.

“I can do this,” Bella whispered to herself, knowing that she had no choice.

She took a deep, fortifying breath and reached into the crib, gently lifting Lillian’s tiny frame into her arms. A mere minute later, she was at the door with her daughter in a carrier and the bags all lying at her feet. Her wait didn’t last long. A light tap on the door was her only signal. She fumbled her way through unlocking the four bolts as if they could keep out the most lethal of intruders if they decided that they wanted to get to her. Before she could even fully open the door, a blur of white skin and black hair rushed through and pulled her into a hug with ice-cold hands. It had been three years since Bella last laid eyes on her closest friend and the familiar smell of Alice’s perfume brought tears to her eyes.

“Shit, Bella,” Alice sighed, pulling away to look into her eyes. “It’s been too damn long.”

Choking out a teary laugh, Bella nodded in agreement.

“Where is Rose?” she asked, peering over Alice’s shoulder. “Are you alone?”

The shorter woman shook her head quickly, a look of remorse flitting through her golden-brown eyes.

“We were closer,” Alice said softly, brushing a lock of hair behind Bella’s ear. “I’m so sorry.”

Bella sank her teeth into her bottom lip to keep from crying, watching as Alice knelt in front of the carrier with shining eyes.

“Oh, Bella. She’s beautiful.”

Bella nodded, clinging to the love she had for Lillian to keep from giving in to her fear. 

“Is he close?” she whispered, grabbing her purse from where it lay on the couch where she tossed it several hours earlier.

“Not yet,” Alice said, rising to her feet in a blur of movement. “But he will be.”

Bella gathered what she could carry as Alice picked up the carrier and whatever was left. They moved quickly down the hall and Bella prayed that she wouldn’t trip as they rushed down the dimly lit steps to the ground level of the apartment building. Chilly air whipped at her face when they stepped out into the parking lot and hurried towards a running car that waited just a few feet away, ready to peel out at first chance. A beam of moonlight caught on a head full of pale, unruly hair in the front seat and Bella knew immediately who Alice was with, the tension in her chest easing ever so slightly in a way that would have shocked her a mere four years ago. 

Alice strapped the baby carrier in the car before taking all of the bags to toss in the trunk. Bella shoved herself into the backset with Lillian and quickly secured herself with a seatbelt before checking all of the fastenings holding the carrier in place to make sure they’d hold. Once Alice was settled in the front passenger’s seat, Jasper revved away from the parking lot and began heading towards the nearest highway that would take them straight out of the city. Reaching into the carrier, Bella brushed her thumb over the soft skin of Lillian’s cheek and finally gave her tears permission to fall.

“Thank you,” she whispered after a moment.

Bella wasn’t ignorant of the sacrifices they had to make to keep doing this for her. More than anything, she wished that she could go back to the night when everything fell apart. Back to that dance. Back to those arms. If she’d only known then, she could have avoided it all. But if she made a different decision that night, then Lillian wouldn’t exist. Given the choice, she knew better than to think that she would give up her daughter even if it meant avoiding all of this pain. Maybe it made her the most selfish creature in the world, but Bella knew that she would cling to the only thing that had kept her alive all this time.

Because she truly had nothing else.

*****

_ A protesting wail rose in her throat at the feeling of a cold hand on her shoulder and the sound was quickly muffled by another hand covering her mouth. Bella kicked out beneath the sheets, tangling herself further in their hold as her eyes searched wildly for her attacker. But it wasn’t him. The moonlight that shone through the window illuminated the long fall of golden hair and the pale, lovely features of the woman that hovered over her with a furious look on her face.  _

_ “Stop it,” Rosalie hissed. _

_ The sound of her voice, impatient and demanding, put an abrupt end to Bella’s struggling. She didn’t know why she tried it in the first place. They were all stronger than her. The last few months had proven once and for all that they could whatever they wanted and she had no way to stop them. _

_ “There are clothes at the end of the bed,” Rosalie said, leaning down further so that Bella would hear every word. “When I let go, you’re going to keep your mouth shut and you’re going to put them on while I get what you need.” _

_ Bella stared at her with wide eyes, trying to figure out what she meant. Once the cold, granite-like hand slipped away, Bella eased herself up to a sitting position and saw the very clothes that Rosalie mentioned. Though she had no idea what was going on, Bella knew better than to argue and began robotically putting on the jeans and sweater, letting her pajamas fall to the ground carelessly. It didn’t matter what she did. Whether she left her clothes a mess on the floor or went out of her way to clean them up, he was always angry. Because even though he still couldn’t see into her mind, he knew exactly what she was thinking. _

_ And he would never forgive her for it. _

_ She winced as she pulled the sweater over her head but didn’t dare to look down at the dark splotches that stained her pale skin. It was bad enough feeling the bruises. Seeing them might just send her over the edge. Before Bella could even consider pulling on the calf-length boots that awaited her on the ground, Rosalie reappeared with two duffel bags in her hands and an expectant look on her face. Bella tried her best not to look up at her as she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the boots on carefully, gritting her teeth against the pain that flared up. _

_ “We don’t have all night. Do you want to get away from him or not?” _

_ A part of Bella suspected that’s what Rosalie was doing but she didn’t dare to hope too much, knowing how much it would hurt if her hope was snatched away like it had been so many times before. She could still remember the moment that set off this entire chain of events. The brief few seconds that brutally slaughtered whatever sweet love and pure affection might have existed between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. With three words, she changed everything. With three words, she brought her world collapsing down around her. If Rosalie was throwing her a lifeline, she wouldn’t hesitate to take hold. _

_ “Am I going home?” Bella whispered hopefully, rising to her feet once more. _

_ Rosalie gave her a cutting look. _

_ “You can’t ever go home,” she said harshly, shoving one of the bags into Bella’s arms. “You’ll be alive. That has to be enough.” _

*****

Bella woke with the claws of fear gripping her heart at the sound of a familiar quiet whimper. Her eyes searched the hotel room desperately only for relief to overtake her at the sight of Rosalie pacing back and forth on silent feet with Lillian in her arms. Swaddled comfortably in a thick blanket, Bella’s daughter cradled her bottle in tiny hands and sucked greedily at the formula.

“She’s perfect,” Rosalie whispered, an awestruck look in her eyes that Bella had never seen before.

“I know,” Bella said, drawing her knees to her chest as she leaned back against the headboard.

From what she could see through the gaps in the curtains that covered the window, the sun was only beginning to rise. Her teeth worried at her lower lip, a dozen questions springing to the forefront of her mind only to go unasked as she fought the exhaustion that still pulled at her to rest. Three days had passed since she fled Sioux Falls in the middle of the night and between taking care of Lillian and trying not to fall to pieces at the knowledge that this may well be the rest of her life, Bella didn’t have the energy or headspace to seek out answers to all her questions. She had barely been paying attention to where they drove, only knowing that they would stop eventually to set up yet another new life for her.

“Where are Alice and Jasper?” she asked, raking her fingers through her tangled hair.

At the sound of her voice, Lillian pulled the bottle from her mouth and wiggled in Rosalie’s arms, seeking her out with a disgruntled whine. Without thinking, Bella shifted forward onto her knees and reached out her arms. Rosalie crossed the room, carefully sinking onto the mattress and shifting Lillian into her arms with the faintest look of melancholy in her eyes.

“Hey Lills,” Bella whispered, giving her the half-finished bottle.

Lillian let out a contented sigh before she took the nipple between her lips and began sucking down the rest of her bottle. Lifting her head, Bella looked to Rosalie expectantly, wanting an answer to her question.

“Alice doubled back to lay a false trail. Jasper is out finding a new car,” Rosalie said, her eyes still fixed on Lillian.

Sadness washed over her and she quickly swallowed against the lump that rose in her throat. They never got to say goodbye. It wasn’t the first time. She knew that Alice made decisions quickly, based on what she saw in her visions. It was more than likely that she simply didn’t have time to wake Bella. If she sensed that  _ he _ might track them down, then she wouldn’t waste a single second that could give them the advantage.

“You won’t tell me where we’re going, will you?” Bella asked.

Rosalie’s silence was enough of an answer for her. They wouldn’t take the risk, speaking it out loud. Not when there were so many things that could go wrong.

“You’ll know soon enough,” Rosalie said cryptically.

She rose to her feet before Bella could say another word, rifling through one of the bags to retrieve a granola bar for her. It wasn’t the most filling or nutritious of breakfasts but they couldn’t afford to go to any restaurant or grocery store. The fewer people who noticed them passing through, the easier it would be to hide their trail. The minds of those who saw them weren’t safe from the one that hunted them. Not when he could so easily see their thoughts.

*****

_ “I want you to tell me what you’re thinking.” _

_ Bella tensed at the sound of his voice, pressing her back further against the headboard as she kept her face turned away from him. She hadn’t even heard him coming. There was a time that he went out of his way to make noise when he walked, against his better instincts, not wanting to frighten her. That time had clearly come and gone. His priorities had shifted. From going out of his way to ensure her comfort to doing everything that he could to keep her with him, no matter what. _

_ “I want to go home,” Bella whispered, cringing away from him as soon as the words fell from her lips. _

_ She braced herself, her fingers digging into the mattress. Yet it did nothing to stop the startled noise that she made when his hand punched straight through the wall. _

_ “This is your home,” Edward hissed, advancing on her with a snarl on his face. “Look at all that I’ve done to give you everything that you need.” _

_ Cold fingers took hold of her chin in a grip just firm enough to bruise, not break. He was always so careful to walk that very fine line. Bella had no choice but to look in his eyes, where cold fury stirred in those black depths. She shivered, not at the temperature of his skin, but at the thought that he hadn’t fed in at least a week. _

_ “What else could there possibly be?” he demanded, his other hand lifting to grip her arm. _

_ “You know what I want,” Bella cried. _

_ Edward stared at her for a handful of long, tense moments before slowly releasing her chin. Bella flinched away when she felt those cool fingers trace the wet tracks left behind by her tears. _

_ “Bella,” he murmured, leaning in closer as his fingers stroked through her hair. “My darling Bella, you chose me, remember? You married me.” _

_ His other hand traced slowly down her arm, his thumb brushing over the ring on her finger. _

_ “For better or worse, my love. As long as we both shall live.” _

_ She shuddered out a sob as he brushed a gentle kiss over her forehead, knowing that her chances of escaping grew smaller every day. _

*****

Tears stung at her eyes as she clasped her hands beneath her chin, a smile pulling at her lips where she sat cross-legged on the floor of yet another hotel room. Lillian babbled out a string of nonsense as she pursued a wobbly crawl across the carpet. Bella knew that this was the kind of thing she needed to document. Her daughter’s first time crawling. But with no phone and no camera, she didn’t know how she could. Quickly scrubbing the tears from her face, she couldn’t help the guilt that welled up in her, even amidst all the joy she felt. As Lillian decided that she was tired and rolled back on her bottom to sit, Bella shifted closer to her.

“Look at you,” she said with a watery smile, reaching out to give her a tickle.

A burbling laugh burst from Lillian’s mouth as she shoved at Bella’s hands and bent over double to stop the tickling. Unable to resist, Bella swooped her up from the floor and let her stand with one foot on either of her thighs, looking into those dark brown eyes that they shared.

“You’re such a big girl,” Bella praised, leaning forward to brush a kiss over her little nose.

Lillian giggled again, reaching for her long, unbound hair and giving Bella a scowl when her attempts were subverted.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Should I let you yank all my hair out next time?”

Another spill of noises, an early attempt at making her thoughts known. Ever since Lillian discovered just how much noise she could make, Bella had an impossible time ever keeping her quiet unless she was eating or sleeping. She knew that once her daughter actually learned how to talk, the world was in for a veritable tornado of words.

“Pretty soon you’ll be walking and talking and making me chase you all over the place, huh?” Bella said, guiding her as she bounced up and down on her lap. “I’m gonna have to double the baby proofing on the next place.”

She didn’t hear her own words until a few moments after she let them slip. Only when they repeated in her mind did Bella feel that guilt once more. She pressed her lips together and tucked Lillian into her chest, feeling a swell of emotion when her little body cuddled into her without hesitating, her head laying on Bella’s shoulder and her little hands curling into her shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Bella said, meaning the apology this time. “It’s not supposed to be like this. You should have a real home. A real family, not just me.”

She felt the sudden weight of eyes on her and knew that while Rosalie’s attention had been diverted by a book for the last hour or so, all of the blonde vampire’s focus was on her now.

“Maybe one day, it’ll be better,” Bella said softly, rocking back and forth as she stroked her fingers through Lillian’s fine hair. “We’ll have a pretty house with a room of your own that you never have to leave again. There’ll be a big kitchen where I can cook and lots of toys everywhere so that you never get bored. You’ll be spoiled rotten, of course, but it’s what you deserve after all this. I think we’ll even have a garden, what do you think? I’ll start it but maybe when you get bigger, you can help me water the flowers and pick out the weeds. And there’ll be a big tree in the backyard where we can hang a tire swing for you. Maybe even room for a treehouse.”

Bella closed her eyes, breathing her daughter in as she tried not to let herself cry.

“One day, Lills. One day, you’ll have everything that you want, I promise.”

Rosalie shifted on the bed behind her and Bella braced herself for whatever she might say. But she misunderstood the movement, as a knock sounded on the door a moment later. Rosalie must have heard them coming. Bella gasped lightly and scrambled to her feet on instinct, shifting Lillian to her hip and holding her tightly as she backed away. There shouldn’t be anyone there. Jasper left days ago and left no sign that he planned to come back. It wouldn’t be the first time that Rosalie settled Bella in a new place on her own. And she would have told Bella if someone was coming, wouldn’t she?

“Hey, it’s okay,” Rosalie said, appearing in front of her in the blink of an eye. “You’re both safe.”

Bella couldn’t quite bring herself to believe that, but she knew that Rosalie more than earned herself the benefit of the doubt after all this time. As Rosalie crossed to open the door, Lillian held tighter to Bella’s shirt as if she sensed the tension building in the room and didn’t like it at all. The sight of the man who stepped through had an instant effect on Bella. The sight of his always-kind eyes and gentle smile eased her fears. But the stranger’s face only made Lillian shyer and she didn’t hesitate to tuck her little face into Bella’s shoulder as he drew nearer.

“Hello Bella,” Carlisle said, reaching out to brush a hand over her other shoulder.

She gave him a weary smile, feeling the sudden urge to collapse into him and weep out her apologies. Unlike the others, Bella hadn’t seen his face since the wedding. She knew that he would be the one person trying to reach out to  _ him. _ Trying to solve whatever had gone wrong. Searching for a solution to the mess they’d made. Despite all that had happened, Bella had zero doubt that Carlisle was one of the truly good things in this world.

“Hi,” she breathed, letting him guide her into a side-long hug.

His eyes dropped to Lillian but before he could say a word, another voice filled the air.

“Holy shit!”

Bella’s eyes grew wide and snapped to the door over Carlisle’s shoulder, a shock of cold zipping along her spine at the sight of a familiar boyish grin and dark, sparkling eyes.

“Sorry, Bella. I just didn’t expect, you know, that.”

He gestured at Lillian before bounding into the room with all the limitless joy of the teenager that she remembered.

“Seth?” she said, watching him with growing horror. “What-”

Her question died on her lips as another tall, familiar form ducked through the door, rapidly taking up most of the limited space of the room. Jared scanned the room with a serious squint to his eyes before shooting Bella a warm smile that she couldn’t quite bring herself to return.

“What are you all doing here?” she demanded, tightening her hold on Lillian.

No one said anything. Bella’s eyes cut to Rosalie as she closed the door quietly, the slightly disgusted wrinkle of her nose giving way to something else as she met Bella’s eyes. She had never seen anything close to remorse in the blonde vampire’s eyes. Rosalie didn’t apologize for anything. Guilt just wasn’t in her nature, or so Bella thought. Now, she looked as if she might actually feel contrite about something and given the presence of three werewolves in the room, Bella could easily guess the reason.

“No,” she said, giving a shake of her head as she took another step away from them all. “No, no Rose you promised.”

Tears welled in her eyes without warning as she instinctively turned her body to shield Lillian from their eyes.

“You promised that this would never touch them.”

“Things have changed,” Rosalie said, moving away from the door while giving Seth and Jared as wide a berth as she could manage. “Edward’s gone too far.”

Carlisle’s face twitched at the sound of his wayward son’s name but it was nothing compared to the full-body flinch that Bella gave, her breath hitching in her chest as cold, relentless fear flooded her veins.

“What did he do?”

Rosalie looked to Carlisle expectantly, crossing her arms over her chest as that preternatural stillness settled in. Seth and Jared weren’t quite so controlled. They shifted on their feet and looked from face to face to face, watching the exchange of words with alert gazes. None of them trembled, much to her relief. It must have been an exercise in control, to be standing so close to two of their sworn enemies without giving into the shift. Even after fighting together to defeat Victoria and her newborn army, she had little doubt that their other selves would tear into the Cullens without a second thought if it weren’t for the treaty.

“It’s not what he’s done,” Carlisle finally said, tearing her from her thoughts. “It’s what he intends to do.”

Bella’s brow furrowed ever so slightly as she felt Lillian peering around at the others in the room.

“He’s going to go to the Volturi.”

The fear she felt at the mere mention of Edward’s name was nothing compared to the utter sense of terror that seized her now. Bella shook her head, her hand lifting to cup the back of Lillian’s head as if she could protect her with her weak, meager human form. But she couldn’t. No one could. Not if the Volturi were coming. In spite of everything, Edward knew exactly what would happen if Aro and his kind came looking. No one would survive.

“He wouldn’t,” she said, giving another protesting shake of her head.

Carlisle’s shoulders rose and fell in a shockingly human sigh as Rosalie gave her an exasperated look.

“Haven’t you figured it out yet? The line doesn’t exist for him anymore.”

“But he knows that everyone would die!”

Lillian gave a quiet whine at her exclamation and Bella stroked her temple apologetically.

“Not everyone. The Volturi would want him, Alice, and Jasper to join their ranks. The rest of us…” Carlisle trailed off, his eyes shifting to the floor.

“He would have what he wants. That’s all that matters to him now,” Rosalie said, a furious edge to her voice.

_ Me, _ Bella thought to herself.  _ He wants me. _ Her eyes shifted to the werewolves who had been shockingly quiet up until now. She had to wonder where they fit into all of this. Why they would go out of their way to come here with Carlisle. Did they know the history? What Edward did? Why she was running from him? How she came to have the little life that fit so well in her arms?

“Bella,” Carlisle said her name gently, drawing her attention to him.

She realized that she’d been shifting away from them all without thinking, bringing her back closer and closer to the far wall as she still kept herself between Lillian and the rest of them. Carlisle’s face was filled with a deep-seated regret.

“I didn’t see the extent of Edward’s… iniquity before. If I had, this might have all been avoided.”

For the first time since coming in the room, Embry made a noise. A cross between a scoff and a laugh. Bella fought the urge to glower at him as Carlisle’s eyes slipped shut, but not before she saw the pain in their golden brown depths. Rosalie looked plenty enraged on his behalf, stepping forward to his side and shooting glares at the werewolves.

“The point...” she all but spat before turning to look at Bella. “... is that we can no longer protect you and go after Edward. Hence the dogs stinking up the room.”

A low growl emanated from deep in Jared’s chest while Seth looked between them all with a furrowed brow. As for Bella, everything slid into place at Rosalie’s words and she realized the plan that had been hidden from her until now. Before she could speak up in protest, Carlisle opened his mouth to call back the damage of Rosalie’s words.

“We can better approach the situation if we can be certain that you’ll be safe elsewhere,” he said, his eyes flitting to Bella before moving to the werewolves. “We hope that your pack might keep both Bella and her daughter safe while we tend to the situation.”

Seth took a step forward, eagerness blooming on his face. Jared looked more wary, his eyes fixed on Bella. Before either of them could say a word, she finally found her voice again.

“No.”

The single word put a stop to everything. All eyes fell on her, surprised at the ringing authority with which she spoke. Bella held each of their gazes in turn before giving a minute shake of her head.

“No, I’ll go. I’ll take Lillian and I’ll find somewhere for us to hide,” she said, turning away from them.

Her hands trembled as she held Lillian on her hip with one and wrenched open the nearest door with the other. The duffle bags sat on the floor of the closet, still packed and waiting for their next car trip. She barely took hold of one before she felt the sudden presence of someone standing close to her.

“You can’t,” Rosalie said, her voice both hard and sympathetic all at once.

Bella was determined to ignore her, hauling one of the bags up onto the bed before turning to grab another.

“I can do this. You don’t need to protect me anymore. You’ve done enough and I-I won’t put this on  _ them _ .”

She didn’t look at Seth or Jared but it was clear to everyone who she meant. Not just the two werewolves but their whole pack. The entirety of La Push and Forks. Her father.  _ God, _ what would Charlie think of her? After all these years, she knew that he would assume that she was dead. Even though she had no intention of going back with them, Bella knew that one of the boys would inevitably tell him what they saw. If not them, then Jacob.

Jacob.

The name she’d refused to let through the walls of her mind for the last few minutes. She wouldn’t admit to any disappointment, that he wasn’t there, even if she felt it so deeply. A part of her wondered if he’d disappeared again, like he did before the wedding. Would any of them tell her? Did she deserve to hear how he was doing, after all the pain she put him through? Did she even want to know? What would he think of her if he  _ could _ see her now?

“What happens when you get caught because you’re being stupid?” Rosalie demanded, yanking Bella from her thoughts once more. “What happens to Lillian?”

“I can’t!” Bella shouted, whipping around to glare at the other woman.

Lillian let out a shrill cry, wiggling in Bella’s arms as she wailed out her displeasure. Suddenly, every trace of exhaustion and fear that she’d felt over the last four years crashed down on Bella at once. She felt every bit of it and nearly staggered beneath the weight, shifting Lillian around to hug her close to her chest as tears stung her eyes once more. Collapsing on the bed with her back to all of them, Bella fought her way through her own hitching sobs to comfort her daughter.

“Shh, it’s okay, sweetheart,” she whispered, brushing kiss after kiss over her head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She repeated the hushed apologies again and again, slowly soothing Lillian until her cries faded to sniffles and she began drifting off in Bella’s arms. Movement in her periphery caught her attention and Bella lifted her head only to watch Seth lower his broad form to one knee in front of her. His face was open, his eyes filled with understanding and the slightest hint of pleading. One of his hands lifted to settle on her knee, scorching her skin through the jeans she wore.

“Come with us, Bella,” he said, holding her gaze.

She pressed her teeth into her lower lip, shaking her head slowly. As much as she loved Seth, she wished that he was someone else. His smiles were warm but nothing compared to the sunny grins that she missed more than anything. If it was Jacob kneeling in front of her right now, she wouldn’t stand a chance. It’d be impossible to say no to him. But if he didn’t hate her already, he would once he found out that she’d been alive all this time. That she’d left him behind yet again, even if it wasn’t entirely her choice.

“How can I?” she said, her voice breaking on the words.

“You’re our sister,” Seth said, his voice ringing with confidence. “Trust us.”

She let out another hoarse sob, reaching up to swipe at the tears that leaked from her eyes as Lillian shifted in her sleep.

“That’s not the problem,” Bella said, looking away from him.

“You can’t do this on your own. You know that,” Rosalie said from behind her, speaking bluntly yet truthfully. “You won’t last.”

Her lower lip quivered as she tried to come to terms what she had to do, even if she hated it. Nothing Edward did to her before made her feel more helpless than she did now. Bella knew that she had no real choice, not if she wanted to keep Lillian safe.

“Don’t you want to see your dad again?” Seth asked, driving the final nail into the coffin of her resistance.

Bella drew in a shaking breath and nodded her head, slowly at first and then quicker once the desperate need took root in her mind.

“I do,” she admitted quietly. “I really, really do.”

Closing her eyes against the guilt that stirred in her chest at her own selfishness, Bella told herself that this was the only way she could keep the promise that she made to her daughter. If Lillian has any sort of hope for the future, Bella had to go back to the place where it all began.

She was finally going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here is an image of how I imagine Lillian](https://i.pinimg.com/474x/8d/02/e8/8d02e89203432ceffe0eed4a1a509924.jpg), if you'd like to see it.

As she walked out the motel room under the cover of darkness, following Rosalie with a sleeping Lillian cradled in her arm and Carlisle at her side while Jared and Seth brought up the rear, Bella didn’t expect to see Jasper lingering in the parking lot beside a car. She thought he’d be with Alice by now, leaving it up to Rosalie and Carlisle to get her settled back in Forks. He stood stock-still as they drew nearer, his eyes fixed over Bella’s shoulder. While Jasper showed none of Rosalie’s disgust at Jared and Seth’s presence, he seemed tense at the sight of the werewolves all the same. 

“Is Alice okay?” Bella asked before anyone else could say a word.

Jasper jerked his head in a single nod, filling her with relief. Rosalie said nothing, simply holding her hand out expectantly until Jasper dropped a set of keys into her palm. Only then did she face Bella, a guarded look on her face.

“I’m not going with you.”

Though a part of Bella had been expecting it, she felt her breath hitch all the same at Rosalie’s declaration.

“Why not?”

“I’m going to set another trail, just in case he catches on to Alice’s,” Rosalie answered, glancing around at the others with a near-bored expression.

Bella knew better than that. Rosalie was masterful at hiding her emotions, often portraying herself as annoyed or disinterested just in case someone might suspect that she cared. Much like Bella, she mostly refused to speak Edward’s name aloud. Much like Bella, she would never forgive him for what he’d done.

“Please look after yourself,” Bella said quietly, holding Rosalie’s gaze unflinchingly in a way that she never would have done before the other woman whisked her away from Edward.

Rosalie nodded, reaching up to brush the tips of her fingers over Lillian’s light purple beanie.

“Take care of yourself and her,” she said, gazing at Lillian’s peacefully sleeping face. “Don’t do anything reckless.”

Narrowing her eyes ever so slightly, Rosalie stared Bella down until she nodded in return. Seemingly satisfied, Rosalie flitted her eyes between Jared and Seth in a silent warning before giving Carlisle a meaningful look and sharing a nod with Jasper. Then she was gone, slipping into the driver’s seat of a car across the parking lot before Bella could even blink. A lump rose in her throat as she watched the car ease from the parking lot and drive off into the night, leaving her to stare after the tiniest pinpricks of light until it disappeared from view completely.

“Bella,” Carlisle said, placing a hand gently on the small of her back.

She took a deep breath at the unspoken words that he communicated to her easily, allowing him to guide her towards the car. Once Lillian was fastened into her carrier in the backseat, she straightened up and tilted her head towards the werewolves that were still poised close by as if they were ready to fight at any given second just to keep her and Lillian breathing. She could tell that Jasper and Carlisle were going to be in the car with her which only left one option for the other two men.

“You’re going to phase, aren’t you?”

Jared glanced Seth’s way but the younger man nodded without seeking permission, even though Bella knew quite clearly that Jared was Sam’s second. Not quite as highly ranked as the Alpha of the pack but high enough on the pecking order that he likely should have been answering the questions. But all of that faded from her mind as she contended with the reality of the situation. If they phased, then their minds would become one with the rest of the pack. It would truly become the point of no return as they would all know about her and Lillian.

“We’ll look after you, Bella,” Seth assured her, misunderstanding the uncertainty in her eyes.

“I know you will,” she said without hesitation, forcing a smile to her lips.

Bella gave them both a nod before slipping into the backseat, feeling far more emotionally drained than she did physically. It had been a long week but, then again, it had been a long few years. She felt no more exhausted today than she did on any other given day. Such was the life of someone who had to spend every waking moment looking over her shoulder and wondering if today was the day that it all ended. Laying her hand over Lillian’s chest, Bella tipped her head back against the seat and closed her eyes, letting the gentle rise and fall of her daughter’s chest calm her as Jasper began to drive.

*****

“What does that even mean?”

Bella spoke the words in a trembling voice, her eyes fixed on Carlisle as he calmly told her how this was all going to work. She kept up easily until he explained exactly what would happen when the responsibility of her protection was shifted from the vampires to the La Push pack. As far as she knew, the treaty hadn’t been amended. The wolves had irrefutable proof that she hadn’t been bitten by any of the Cullens, since vampires certainly couldn’t give birth to fully human children. So why did they have to meet outside of Forks?

“It’s best that Jasper and I aren’t seen by anyone who might recognize us. You will have an easier time settling under the protection of the pack if the humans in Forks believe that you are completely separate from our family.”

She still wasn’t quite certain that she understood and for the first time since meeting him, Bella didn’t quite know whether Carlisle was telling her the truth. She should have felt guilty for her doubt but trust didn’t come easily to her anymore. Not even when it came to those who risked everything to help her. There had been a time when Edward put himself in mortal danger to save her life and he came out to be the monster that haunted her every nightmare.

“What happens if Sam refuses?” Bella asked, unable to keep from voicing her concern. 

Carlisle glanced towards Jasper, who met his gaze briefly before returning his attention to the road without saying a word.

“I do not believe that he will,” Carlisle said, looking at Bella again. “But we have contingencies in place, should such a need arise.”

Bella broke away from his gaze, finding that she really didn’t want to ask what those contingencies were. If Carlisle was willing to put innocent lives in danger before resorting to the other options, then they couldn’t have been all that good.

“How am I going to explain this to all of them?” Bella sighed, tipping her head back against the seat. “How am I going to explain it to Charlie?”

“You tell ‘em that you did what it took to survive,” Jasper finally spoke up, meeting her eyes in the rearview mirror as she glanced up in surprise. “That’s all they gotta know.”

She latched onto his words, nodding slowly as she considered their meaning carefully. It wouldn’t even be a lie. Almost everything that Bella had done over the past four years, nearly every choice that she made, was to keep either herself or Lillian alive. It was hard not to think that it was all the pain she went through and the running that she did was worth it for the fact that her daughter was still breathing. The car fell silent after that and Bella fixed her eyes on the window.

She found herself silently taking note of each time she spotted the blurred form of a wolf running through the trees alongside the road. It didn’t take long for her to drift into unconsciousness, the stress of the last several days taking its toll. It was impossible to know how much time passed as she dozed lightly. The distant sound of someone calling her name pulled her from sleep but it was the feeling of a cold hand shaking her shoulder that pulled a panicked gasp from her lips.

“It's alright Bella,” Carlisle said gently.

Bella inhaled a deep, shuddering breath and nodded her head. Pushing her hair out of her face with hand, she took a moment to orient herself only to realize quite suddenly that the car was stopped. Her eyes dropped to Lillian first and she felt a passing relief that she was still sleeping. This hadn’t been easy on her either. Turning her attention from her daughter, Bella couldn’t help the shocked noise that passed her lips as the sight of a very familiar building not ten feet from where the car sat.

She hadn’t seen the Cullen house since the wedding. The mere sight of it felt like a fist to the gut. It was all too easy to pinpoint the last time she’d felt truly, unquestionably safe. In the warm embrace of her best friend, swaying back and forth to the distant music of her wedding reception. His lips grazing her temple and the heat of his hand at her hip like a brand through the silk of her dress.

_ “This is how I’m going to remember you.” _

“I’m sorry, Bella.”

Carlisle’s voice tore her from her thoughts and she shifted her eyes to him, blinking uncomprehendingly as she tried to figure out the meaning of his apology.

“I know that it must be difficult, for you to be here,” he said, a deep frown etched into his beautiful face. “But it was a… convenient meeting point.”

She didn’t say anything, giving him nothing more than a nod of her head as her trembling hands fumbled with the seat buckle. Her eyes dropped to Lillian again, uncertainty taking hold as she wavered between staying in the car and stepping out for the sake of fresh air.

“I should leave her in here, right?” Bella asked, sweeping her thumb over Lillian’s soft cheek.

“Do whatever you need to.”

She nodded, drawing away from her daughter and unbuckling her seatbelt before scrubbing at her cheeks with shaking hands, wiping away tears that she didn’t even know had fallen. Jasper and Carlisle were the first to get out and, with a long look at Lillian, Bella did the same. As much as she wanted the comforting weight of her daughter in her arms, she refused to pull her out of the warm comfort of the car when the sky was overcast above them.

Finding her feet, Bella felt the drizzle of cold rain on her face and couldn’t help but close her eyes and tilt her face up towards the sky once she shut the door behind her. It was almost laughable, remembering how much she hated the near-constant rainfall when she moved to Forks only for her to seek comfort in the feel of it on her skin now. It was just another part of home. Another thing that she missed on the nights when she felt the aching sense of loneliness.

She stayed that way, relishing in the light touch of mist on her face until she heard the sound of someone approaching. Lifting her head, she inhaled sharply as she met the dark gaze of a sand-colored werewolf standing barely a foot away from her, so close that she could almost feel the heat radiating from his form. Seth lowered his head and nudged her shoulder with a chuffing sound. Bella rocked back on her heels and felt the sudden urge to laugh. She couldn’t help but watch with wide eyes as he circled around the back of the car only to purposefully sit right next to the door closest to Lillian.

Bella fought the urge to fling her arms around him as a swell of gratitude rose within her. Seth met her eyes and in a strangely human motion, nodded his head as if assuring her that he wouldn’t be moved by anything or anyone. Hiding her hands in the oversized sleeves of her sweatshirt, Bella nodded in return and angled her body away from the house that loomed over them. As long as she could keep it out of sight, maybe she could keep certain memories at bay.

She could feel the gaze of Carlisle and Jasper on her but she didn’t look at them, instead tracking the pacing steps of the brown wolf that wouldn’t tear his eyes away from the treeline. Jared seemed far more impatient than Seth, who didn’t move a muscle where he sat guarding her daughter. When the sound of a twig snapping from within the trees reached her ears, Bella felt her heart begin to race. It didn’t take long for movement in the trees to catch her eye.

Sam’s figure was the first to materialize and to Bella’s shock, he wasn’t phased. The frayed cut-offs and worn sneakers were familiar. One by one, as he moved closer, wolves crept out of the woods on near-silent paws. Bella’s eyes darted from one to the next. Paul. Embry. Quil. Two others that weren’t familiar to her, one with grey fur so dark that it was nearly black and the other with light grey fur that was spotted with white. As they came to a stop in formation on either side of Sam, Bella realized that no others were coming.

Jacob wasn’t there.

Bella’s heart gave a dull throb as she tried and failed not to let it hurt, her eyes darting towards the side of the house where they’d danced. Of course he wouldn’t be there. Why should he be? She certainly hadn’t earned his presence. Though so many things had faded away, Bella could still recall with clarity the last time she saw his face, filled with heartbreak and fury at the knowledge of her intentions for the aftermath of her wedding. Nor would she ever forget that heart-wrenching howl that changed everything in a single instant.

_ The sound of it reverberated through her, as if he howled mere inches away instead of somewhere deep in the forest far behind them. Bella didn’t even know how she heard it, but she knew that Edward must have if she could. Tears welled in her eyes without permission as she expelled her breath and slowly hunched over in the seat, struck by a sudden feeling of utter wrongness. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She should have been happy, not mere moments from breaking apart. _

_ “Bella?” Edward’s voice drifted to her as if they were underwater, distant and almost inaudible. _

_ “I can’t,” she gasped, feeling as if her heart had been seized by a vice-like grip. “I can’t breathe.” _

_ The car screeched to a halt and Bella fought with the sudden urge she felt to escape. To go back, even if she had to do it on foot. _

_ “What’s wrong?” Edward asked, his ice-cold hand brushing over her shoulder. _

_ She flinched away unthinkingly and saw him grow very, very still from the corner of her eye. _

_ “What’s happening to me?” Bella said, her voice teetering on the edge of hysterical. _

_ She pressed her hands over her heart as if she might hold it together that way. _

_ “You need to breathe,” Edward said, sounding much less concerned than before. _

_ “I can’t.” _

_ His cold hand suddenly seized her wrist in an almost too-tight grip and Bella looked up at him with wide eyes only to realize that he was stopping her from unbuckling her seatbelt, something she didn’t even realize she had been trying to do. To her shock, Edward’s eyes were a flat black where they had been beautifully gold throughout the ceremony and reception. He was angry. No… he was furious. What had she done? Was she ruining everything? Why was it happening? A throbbing pain dug between her ribs as that same mournful howl rose up in the distance and Bella inhaled sharply, giving her arm a tug only for Edward’s grip to tighten. _

_ “You’re hurting me,” Bella said, stunned at the truth in her own words. _

_ Even more shockingly, Edward gave no hint that he intended to loosen his grip, much less release her. _

_ “What is going on, Bella?” he asked slowly, his eyes holding hers without blinking. _

_ “I don’t know,” she said with a shake of her head, twisting her arm in his grip even though she knew it would bring on inevitable bruises. _

_ “Yes, you do,” he said, leaning in closer to her. “Where were you going to go?” _

_ “I-I don’t-” Bella tore her eyes away from him, shaking her head as she stared off into the trees. _

_ “Where were you going to go?” Edward demanded more forcefully. _

_ “To Jacob!” _

_ Bella’s breath seized in her throat in the instant the words passed her lips and she held her breath, waiting for his reaction. Edward stared at her with no change in expression for nearly a minute, by her unsteady count, until Bella couldn’t stand it for another second. _

_ “I’m sorry, Edward. I just… I need to go to him. I have to see him,” she said, a note of pleading in her voice. _

_ In truth, Bella had no idea why these words were slipping from her lips. Nor did she know why she was suddenly so desperate to see Jake. As if his howls broke through some barrier within her mind, all she needed was the comfort of his arms around her. The sound of her name in that voice of his. The brush of his lips over hers. Bella’s cheeks grew hot, giving her away just as easily as if Edward could read her thoughts. _

_ “I already let you see him. You had your dance and now it’s over,” he said, drawing closer to her as his upper lip curled ever so slightly. “You are mine.” _

_ “Edward please-” _

_ “Mine,” he hissed, wrenching her towards him. _

_ A cry fell from her lips. _

_ The howl rose up once more. _

_ Everything went black. _

“Bella.”

Bella blinked out of the memory at the sound of Carlisle’s voice. He was standing at the front of the car with Jasper, their eyes both fixed on her expectantly. Ducking her head as color filled her cheeks, she made her way around the car to stand between them. Once she was settled in place, Carlisle turned to face the werewolves that watched their every move with keen eyes.

“Thank you for meeting with us.”

Her eyes flitted to Sam, who gave a simple nod in response. As if it sent some signal to the phased wolves, they seemed to all settle in place at once, though their eyes remained fixed intently on Carlisle and Jasper where they stood at the front of the car. As for Sam, her eyes swept away from him the instant that she realized that he was looking at her with a slight furrow to his brow. Bella assumed that, like the others, he had dismissed her as dead long ago and to see her alive and still human was likely a shock.

“I presume you know why we’re here.”

Carlisle’s words were presented more as a statement than a question, yet Sam gave another nod all the same. Bella’s eyes flitted to Jared, knowing that he and Seth had likely told the rest of the pack all that they knew. Even if they couldn’t sense Lillian’s presence in the car, they would have seen her in their brothers’ thoughts. 

She felt a stir of discomfort in her chest, tightening into the grip of fear around her heart. For so long, very few knew about her daughter. Now that the number was increasing with every passing moment, she couldn’t help but worry that it was all putting Lillian in danger. She couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder, reassuring herself that Seth was still there and that no one had spirited Lillian away while her back was turned.

“Then you know that a member of our coven is behaving very… recklessly,” Carlisle acknowledged, neither his face nor his voice betraying the pain that she knew he felt at the thought of Edward. “His actions are putting two innocent lives in danger.”

“You made it clear in the past that your coven claimed responsibility for Bella Swan’s protection. You even doubted her safety in our presence,” Sam said, his eyes fixing on Carlisle. “Why should it be any different now?”

A few tense moments passed without Carlisle saying a word and when Bella glanced over at him, she could see that his eyes were lowered and his jaw was uncharacteristically tense.

“There are certain concessions that must be made, to do what has to be done now,” Jasper said, his voice clear yet grave as he spoke. “Our coven will be spread thin as we navigate the situation and that will make it far more difficult to provide adequate protection. Our trust in your pack’s restraint is beside the point, because this is the safest place for Bella to be.”

Bella watched Sam’s face for any sign of change but his expression remained frustratingly neutral. She could only guess what he must be thinking. While this might be the safest place for her, there was every chance that danger would follow. Sam’s duty was to his people above an outsider, and that’s what she was. The silence stretched on long enough that it could only mean one thing.

“It’s okay,” she said quietly, her face warming as all the attention fell on her. 

Her eyes flitted from wolf to wolf before falling on Sam, seeing that same furrow in his brow and wishing that she knew what it meant.

“I know that you need to protect your people,” Bella said, holding his gaze without looking away this time.

Sam tipped his chin up, looking as if he was on the verge of speaking. But his mouth snapped shut just as the wolves surrounding him began shifting in place, some of them sniffing at the air and others rising to their feet. Bella felt a spike of fear and looked around for the threat only for Carlisle’s low murmur of her name to call her attention to him. 

He did nothing more than tilt his head towards the car behind them, where Seth was on his feet and peering into the window. Just as Bella looked back, she heard a muffled wail from the backseat. Moving quicker than she ever thought herself able, and miraculously managed to keep from falling down, Bella rushed to the door and wrenched it open just as Seth stepped aside.

“Hey,” she murmured over the sound of Lillian’s cries. “Shhh, sweetheart. It’s alright.”

Her hands quickly unbuckled the straps and Bella didn’t hesitate to sweep her out of the car seat and into her arms. The drizzle had thankfully stopped, though she felt Lillian shudder at the sudden change in temperature even as her cries faded to quiet whimpers as she nestled into Bella’s chest.

“I’ve got you,” Bella whispered, forgetting all about the audience she had as she swayed in place.

Letting her eyes fall shut, she swept her lips over the crown of Lillian’s hair. A contented sigh fell from Lillian’s lips and Bella felt the residual panic of hearing her cries ebb away. The rustle of restless wolves reached her ears but Bella didn’t lift her head until she heard the sound of near-silent footsteps approaching. Considering the company, she knew that he made the sound for her benefit. By nature, werewolves were every bit as quiet as vampires. 

Turning her head, she swallowed hard as she laid eyes on Sam standing several feet away now, just as she expected. Jasper and Carlisle hadn’t moved, though they turned to watch with wary gazes. Sam’s eyes lingered on Bella’s face for a handful of moments before dropping to Lillian, who peered out at him from where her head lay on Bella’s chest. The air was thick with tension and Bella forced herself to remain still, holding her breath as she waited for whatever would happen. As Sam’s eyes lifted to meet hers once more, she saw something in their depths that had her releasing her breath in a slow exhale.

“We protect our own,” Sam said, his voice weighted by meaning that she did not understand.

His head turned after a moment, his eyes focusing on Carlisle.

“They will be safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts!


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